Understanding Attachment Through the Body: How Embodied Counseling Supports Secure Relationships
- Alijah Brod-Forest
- Jul 7
- 3 min read
Our earliest relationships shape the way we connect with others throughout life. Attachment theory helps us understand how these early patterns continue to influence adult relationships—often in ways we're not fully conscious of.
But how do we begin to notice these patterns, especially the ones that show up subtly—in our everyday interactions, habits, and expectations?
Embodied counseling offers an insightful pathway to work with attachment—by recognising how relational experiences, particularly early ones, can affect how we experiences our relationships today.
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth and others, explores the ways in which early caregiver relationships shape our internal models of connection, safety, and love. These experiences form the basis of our attachment style, which influences how we relate to others, particularly in close relationships.
While every person is unique, attachment theory generally outlines four broad styles:
1. Secure Attachment
People with secure attachment tend to feel comfortable with closeness and autonomy. They can express their needs clearly and respond to others with empathy. In relationships, they’re generally open, consistent, and emotionally attuned.
2. Anxious Attachment
Those with an anxious attachment style often seek high levels of reassurance and fear being abandoned or rejected. They may:
Overthink messages or lack of response
Worry they are “too much” or not good enough
Feel preoccupied with their partner’s availability or feelings
Struggle to soothe themselves without external reassurance
3. Avoidant Attachment
Individuals with avoidant attachment often value independence and may feel overwhelmed by too much closeness. In relationships, they might:
Downplay emotional needs (their own and others’)
Avoid difficult conversations
Feel uncomfortable relying on or being relied upon
Prefer to process emotions alone
4. Disorganized Attachment
This style often arises from experiences of relational trauma or inconsistent caregiving. People may:
Send mixed signals (craving closeness but pushing others away)
Struggle with trust and emotional regulation
Feel conflicted or reactive in relationships
It’s important to note that these styles are not “types” but adaptive responses. And they are changeable—especially when we bring embodied awareness into the healing process.
The Body Remembers How We Attach
Attachment styles aren't just psychological—they are felt and expressed in the body. They show up in:
How we hold ourselves physically in the presence of others
The way we breathe during emotional conversations
How quickly we tense, lean in, pull back, or go silent
The subtle cues we give through eye contact, tone, and touch
For example:
Anxiously attached individuals might lean forward, talk rapidly, or struggle to maintain boundaries. They can come across as 'needy' or insecure in relationship.
Avoidantly attached people may habitually withdraw, cross their arms, or keep conversations on a surface level. They can form close relationships quickly than withdraw and show unavailable.
Securely attached individuals tend to stay more grounded and flexible during moments of emotional intensity and feel a sense of safety in their relationships.
What Is Embodied Counseling?
Embodied counseling integrates talk therapy with somatic (body-based) awareness. It supports clients to notice their physical and emotional responses in real time—building a bridge between the mind and the body.
Embodied work can support you in recognising your personal relational patterns as they arise in the present
Track physical responses to closeness, conflict, or vulnerability
Develop tools to regulate your nervous system during moments of disconnection or stress
Repattern internal beliefs through body-based experiences of safety and connection
This creates the conditions for more secure attachment—experientially.
Moving Toward Secure Attachment
Shifting attachment patterns that do not serve is not about “fixing” yourself. It’s about becoming more aware of the strategies you develop through embodiment —and gently beginning to experience ways of secure connection.
In embodied counseling, you may begin to:
Notice when you feel drawn to pursue, please, or withdraw in relationships
Recognise habitual gestures, postures, or tension that accompany relational stress
Learn to stay present and secure in your body during vulnerability
Practice relational boundaries and self-expression from a regulated state
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